One evening, he decides to come over just to hang out for a night of conversing. It's just another night, sharing stories and laughs, but then suddenly those laughs and jokes bring comfort and a feeling you can't quite determine if it's "I like you" or "I'm lusting after you" ...he goes in for a kiss. You don't fight it because in the back of your mind you've always been curious. So you figure why not? It's nothing. Something you both will laugh about later. Right? Wrong. The kiss gets a little more serious, next his hands and your hands get involved, one thing leads to another, and now you are both fully engaged in sexual intercourse. The next day you both talk about it, he apologizes and you both decide it won't happen again. You don't want to mess up the great friendship you both have established. A few days later, he comes over again, and it happens. Again, you both talk about it, he apologizes and assures you it won't happen anymore, and again you believe him. But it does happen again and now you find yourself emotionally attached. Now you expect a little bit more from him, but he's not giving you what you want, so you settle for continuing to be just friends or "cut buddy" in most cases in hopes that he will come around to be this perfect guy you sought him out to be. As time progresses, you find yourself still just having sex over and over again, and he still hasn't made a commitment to you or even suggested the idea.
Being that you are around each other so much now, YOU finally bring up the topic about being in a committed relationship. He thinks about it, and really doesn't want to, but because he doesn't want to stop the flow of how things are going, he decides get in a relationship with you. During the relationship, you wonder why he doesn't put up any post about you on his social media or even mentions you. You have the last 15 pictures up of you and him on your social media, and his page has none. There are times you may not hear from him for 2 or 3 days. You are always wondering what's the status of your relationship. You consistently ask yourself, "Is this really how a relationship supposed to be?" A few months go by, and you find yourself emotionally hurt because he ends up cheating, lying, and pretty much uses you for all the things you have worked so hard for. Another relationship down the toilet. But here's the thing, this has already happened to you with a few other guys prior. Same situation, but always a different guy.
Ladies, are you or someone you know, normally the one who initiates or forces a relationship with a guy? We're not talking about a normal friendship. We mean a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship? You find yourself always asking him, "where do we stand or are we together?" This may not be the case for some women, but there are a lot of women out there who are dealing with this.
The first thing you need to realize is your true value. When you look in the mirror, what do you see? Do you see a beautiful woman full of purpose? Do you see yourself as God's daughter? You are the Daughter of a King and it's time to start treating yourself as such royalty. Daughters of Kings should always hold high standards. The bible talks about how "you are fearfully and wonderfully made" in Psalms 139:14. This scripture gives you high value, so why sell it for cheap to a man who doesn't deserve you? Saving sex for marriage will save you from many heartbreaks and soul-ties from temporary relationships. If you are struggling with accepting who you are and/or dealing with rejection or low self esteem, it's a sign that you need to spend more intimate time with God to heal those areas in your life because they are strongholds. Study His word. Talk to God like you are talking to your Father; have a conversation with him and say, "God, I don't want to live like this anymore. I want to wait on your timing to send me my King." Pray more. If not, a man can easily take advantage of your insecurities and you find yourself being used over and over again.
The only man who deserves you is your husband. It's not for you to find who your husband is. The man is supposed to find you! Let God mold the perfect man and deliver him to you. When he does find you, the man will set the tone the way God has led him to. He will show you his intentions, and those intentions will be of a Godly man. I know some of you are saying but "I've been patient waaayyy to long, why hasn't he found me?" He hasn't found you yet because you aren't in the position to be found. God's timing is the perfect timing, and we encourage you to continue to be patient. James 1:4 says, "But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing." When you are patient for who God has for you, you are giving God the time to prepare a relationship for you that doesn't lack anything. Your relationship that God will create for you will be the ultimate perfect relationship, you will even question yourself like WOW! I've never been so happy in my life with one man who is literally every single thing I've asked for. You won't find yourself wanting the password to his phone, you won't find yourself arguing with the mother of his children, you won't find yourself being insecure about other women being in his presence because he will be covered by the Grace of God and ONLY have eyes for YOU. God wants the relationship he has for you to be complete. During the preparation of Him building your perfect King is the time for you to continue getting yourself together so that you can be a great woman for your man.
Secondly, you need to understand that the man is the initiator of relationships and you are the responder. Let the man show you what his intentions are and you respond based on what he shows you. Is he giving you goals and a purpose for the relationship? Is he willing to help you fight the battle of waiting for sex until marriage? You need to know these things early in the friendship stage while you are dating. Brittney knew from the beginning my intentions with her. She understood and accepted that I was serious about her and wanted to pursue her. Did flesh get involved in the beginning? Yes. But God dealt with us and we knew we had to eliminate it immediately. We both started to focus on purpose. When a man wants a woman a part of his life and his vision, his actions will be clear about that. How he treats you will resemble what's in his heart about you.
Men who are reading this, you need to understand that you should not engage in emotionally based relationships with a woman that you have not made a serious commitment to. If you choose to use a woman only for your physical and emotional needs, you are bound to damage her. If you don't see her as your wife, you need to be clear about it. Let her know that you only want to be friends. But let your actions follow that and don't lead her on.
God originally designed the woman to be a help meet for a man with purpose. The bible says in Genesis 2:18, Then the Lord God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper who is just right for him.” Ladies, be with a man who's life and lifestyle requires your help. If he never needs your help, you end up being nothing but a "trophy wife" to him. In several books written about how rich men earned their wealth, a common denominator in all the books was the support and help of the rich man's wife. All the books talked about how important it was for the man to have a supportive wife in his journey to great wealth. You want to be with a man who is busy building his future. Being with a man who is only focused on today takes away from you being able to help. A man with vision and purpose is always working on something towards his future. That journey is not always easy for him, so he needs a good supportive woman who continues to encourage him, help keep him organized, motivate and inspire him through your daily living.
Our last point is, who are the friends of the men you are dating/courting? You can always tell someone's future by their friends now. There's a saying, "you are an average of the friends you hang around." Are his friends players? Are they always broke? Are his friends in healthy relationships? Are his friends building their future? You need to really take the time to think about this. Men are greatly influenced by the friends he's around often. You would be surprised how much of your man's actions are a result of his friends' advice. Before engaging in a fully committed relationship with a man, observe who his friends are. Men, this goes for women as well. Observe who your lady talks to and hangs out with more often. More than likely, she goes to these friends for daily advice.
In closing, we really hope this article help you make smarter/wiser choices in whom you choose to court. It's hard seeing someone go through a bad breakup or divorce. Our prayer is to see more healthy, Godly relationships and marriages with a purpose. Stop settling for games or short term relationships and start striving for God's best. Feel free to leave questions or comments on the topic of His Intentions.
Mark & Brittney