"Your mate is a result of your intelligent decision". These are the words from one of our mentors that made us both appreciate each other on another level. Many of us, before deciding to commit to a serious long-term relationship with someone after the dating stage (aka the "we're talking" stage), has went into deep thought about a few things. Some were thoughts about the future of that relationship, the habits of that mate, their career path and goals, and other key things that are important to you (If you haven't thought about the important things before committing to someone, and you made your decision only off of looks....then ouch! Our prayers are with you). Based on those important thoughts, you make a decision to move forward or not and YOU are responsible for the results of that choice. Your decision to commit to someone or even date a person is a direct reflection of how you see yourself.
We're pretty sure you all have heard before, "your mate is a reflection of you". We both believe that this statement is true. The person that you decide to date, WHEN you date them, HOW you date them, WHY you date them, is all a reflection of you. Staying in a relationship even when you see all the red flags, reflect back to you. It reflects back to how you see yourself and how you treat yourself. You have to take a moment to think about what does you being with this person say about you? What is it saying to yourself and what is it saying to the world? The answer to those questions all fall back to your intelligent decision. For most, the type of person you decide to date nowadays may be completely different then the type of person you chose to date a few years ago. But don't regret it, or don't get mad. Stop talking bad or down about that person. During that time, that person was your decision to date or talk to. Maybe during that season of your life, that person was right for you. Not all relationships are meant to be permanent. A lot of times they're meant to be temporary. For some, there could have been a provision made through that past relationship. Maybe the job you have now came from being with that person and they helped you with that connection. Maybe you met your current best friend through that past relationship. Maybe they've influenced how you dress. There can be many things that you may have gained in that past relationship that benefits you now.They're meant to be life lessons for us and seasons of growth. The biggest pain and hurt that I (Mark) went through in a past relationship, I used to hate it. I used to wish I never had to deal with it or spend years going through it. But now when I look back, I'm glad I went through it. I'm glad I had to face it and go through the hurt. Why? Because it matured me. It made me into the man I am today and also made me realize what I really wanted out of a relationship. Actually, one of my current contract jobs is still happening because of a connection I've gained through that past relationship. God has a way of making us go through things in our lives that may not make since and sometimes even hurt, but it’s God's way of molding us into the men and women he has called us to be. I remind you of Romans 8:28,”And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them".
So let's say you've made your decision in a mate, you feel that your current mate is a great result of your intelligent decision, and that you see a great future with this person. You feel that this person is a great reflection of you and represents you well. Do you take time to listen him/her? We mean, actually listen to them. Do you only listen to your mate only when it’s convenient or do you listen to your mate at all times. Listening doesn't mean obey. Listening can simply mean hearing your mate's opinion / advice and consider their knowledge in your decisions. Do you process the daily advice of your mate? Gentlemen, we know it's tough sometimes, but do you trust your woman's intuition? Do you trust and listen to some of her decisions? Many men decide to date a woman and when she gives her advice, wisdom, and/or intuition, they don't value it or they overlook it. Why is that? Could it be pride? Could it be that the man has the mindset of always being right and it's "my way or the highway?" If you've made an intelligent decision to commit to the woman you are with now, why not trust her intuition? Why not listen and sometimes actually follow her advice? We think a lot of men overlook the true value of a woman's power. God originally designed the woman to be a help meet to man. God created the woman to work alongside him in this battle of life. She watches his back; he watches her back. They're supposed to be in this battle together.
The bible says in Proverbs 31:11-12, "Her husband can trust her, and she will greatly enrich his life. She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life". Men, do you believe that your current mate is capable of this lifestyle? Does she possess those qualities, that you know without a doubt, she will not bring you harm all the days of your life? Remember, your mate is your intelligent decision and she is a direct reflection of YOU. If you see yourself as a King, then you wouldn't settle for anything less than a Queen. One of our favorite quotes from well-known author and motivational speaker, Tony Gaskins, "if you listen and don't make it about yourself, it frees her. When you need some advice, if you listen you'll find that God gave her a profound wisdom to benefit your life".
Men, try following her advice for a while and watch how much your relationship grows. Watch how much more she gives you what you been waiting for her to do for a while. Try it and observe. As Tony Gaskins said, "It frees her". You will start to see her be more creative and beneficial to the relationship because she now knows you trust her call and that her opinion / decision matters. There were a couple of books and articles that we came across that were about wealthy men and how they gained their wealth. Several times we saw throughout all the readings that wealthy men mentioned having a supportive wife as one of the keys to their success. Are you in a relationship with a woman who will help build and grow your wealth? Wealth doesnt just mean money. Your wealth involves your health, your kids, your possessions, your everything. Is she helping you grow those areas or is she just complaining about what you don't have? Ladies, if you see an area of lack in your man's life, maybe you are there in his life to help him grow that area. Help him map out a plan, help him plant seeds, help him enlarge his network. Help him! Be the best support system he's ever had. In our premarital class we took a few weeks ago, we learned that the man has the vision and the woman supports him with the blueprint to his vision. Now this doesn't mean that the woman won't have visions. But she must follow his lead as he follows God's lead. That's why it's key to be with someone whose purpose compliments your purpose. If he is allowing God to lead him, then God will make sure both of your purposes are being fulfilled in the journey.
We would like to thank you all for continuing to follow our journey and reading our blog posts. We truly appreciate it and look forward to hearing your comments about "Listen to Her". God Bless!
Mark & Brittney